By ARTHUR VIDRO
What It’s Worth
Last month I was faced with the prospect of sinking $1,000 or so into my 2002 Saturn to allow it to pass the annual state inspection.
I was the original owner, and the decision was emotionally painful, but I decided not to invest further in the car. So I bought a 2013 Impreza at a dealership here in Claremont. That’s when I learned that between 2002 and now, car keys have gone high-tech.
Me, I don’t want a high-tech key. But that’s how they’re made now.
The car came with one key, which has buttons for locking and unlocking doors and the hatch and for all I know windows too, plus a button whose sole function is to make loud noise. Because of those buttons, the key is bulky.
No thank you, not for me.
Alas, this one high-tech key was the only key that came with the car. And, because of all the computerization in the key, it cannot be duplicated in the traditional method at a hardware store.
Afraid of misplacing it and being stranded, I inquired a week after the purchase to order a second key.
First, the dealership has to order it from somewhere else. No problem. I’m patient. But I explained that I wanted a plain, ordinary key, without electronics. I guess nowadays you would call it a traditional key.
The chap I spoke with at the dealership’s parts department was pleasant enough, but new on the job. He frequently double-checked what he was telling me with another person there. Fine by me. If two specialists are telling me the same information, I’m more likely to have faith in its accuracy.
He said there was an option for what is called a valet key. Sort of what you keep around to hand to a parking-lot attendant without surrendering your key ring. I said that sounded good, as long as there were no electronics.
Turns out, he told me, there are some electronics even in the valet key; it just doesn’t have the protruding buttons. Plus, a valet key — because it has some electronics — for some reason is designed to work only a limited number of times, so it could eventually “die” on me if I were to use it as an everyday key.
“That’s not acceptable,” I said. “Is there an option for a traditional key that would last pretty much forever?”
He said yes. I asked the cost. He told me: $239.95
I winced in pain. In the past, a new car key had never cost me more than three dollars. And they lasted forever. Of course, that was before car keys became computerized.
“If that’s the cost of a traditional car key,” I asked, “how much more would it be to get a computerized key?”
“That $239.95 is for the computerized key,” he explained. (Guess his concept of “traditional” differs from mine. Perhaps he’s too young to have ever used a non-computerized key.)
I explained that wasn’t what I wanted. But I did want a spare key, just in case. And the spare key had to be reliable for the long term. My goal would be to set aside the high-tech key for emergencies, and use a traditional key for everyday use.
“The only other option is the valet key,” he said, “which would cost you $123.94.”
I thought quickly and considered a hypothetical. First, to verify what I already believed, I asked, “The computerized key cannot be duplicated at a hardware shop?”
“That is correct. It cannot be duplicated. Only the dealership can order the making of such a key.”
“Suppose,” I said, “I took a valet key to a hardware shop. Would a hardware shop be able to duplicate the valet key?”
“I see what you’re getting at,” he said. The chap conferred with his associate. “We’re 99 percent sure that would work, but we can’t say for certain.”
“In other words,” I said, “my case would act as a sort of experiment?”
“Yes, it would be the experiment.”
Can’t say I’m happy about serving as a guinea pig, but I want an everyday key I can rely on that doesn’t have any bells or whistles.
So I ordered a valet key and hope to take that valet key to a traditional hardware store where I’ll be able to get a traditional car key, which would become the everyday key for my car. And if all goes well, I will lock the electronic key (and the valet key) away and never look at them again.
Unless, of course, I misplace my everyday key.
I think I’ll go munch on a banana. That’s just about the only thing left that hasn’t become needlessly computerized.
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