In the fog: merrie old England, wot?

By DAVID KITTREDGE
Renaissance Redneck
What is right! What in the hay are they talking about anyway? We both speak English, meaning the United States and Great Britain, but in many ways the languages are very different. The line “Merrie old England, wot?” is from a movie starring Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes and Nigel Bruce as Dr. John Watson. The line is spoken by Nigel Bruce as they first see the shoreline of England through the fog from a boat on the English Channel. The word wot means “to know” so I take the line to mean merry old England, you know?” The word merrie is a comedic way of spelling the word merry and refers to a utopian time in England during the Middle Ages when life was supposedly idyllic and pastoral much the same way as here in the States when we say “the good old days” in a reminiscent fashion.

Back in 2011 Prince William married Kate Middleton and the wedding was covered extensively by the American news outlets. For some reason a lot of Americans are enthralled by the lives of the English royals, which doesn’t make a lot of sense or really jibe with our political leanings or our historical tenets. After all, didn’t we shrug off the English monarchy with the Revolutionary War nearly two and a half centuries ago? But still, we in the U.S. remain fascinated by the pomp and circumstance surrounding British royal gatherings. And speaking of fascinated, what caught my eye during the highlights of the royal wedding on the news were the hats worn by the female attendees of the ceremony. These hats are called fascinators, apparently meaning that no matter how horrid the design of the hat you cannot bear to look away from such a startling visage. I realize that I am exaggerating, a bit, but I picture these accouterments as some sort of Rube Goldberg convolution that could possibly double as a mousetrap or maybe a mobile sculpture at an Alexander Calder art exhibition. In the future these hats may transmogrify into even more outlandish designs that perhaps would include noise makers such as kazoos that could coincide with certain bodily movements. This would give a whole new meaning to talking with your hands.

Cockney is a word to describe the working class citizens of London and especially those denizens of East London. The word is derived from the phrase cock’s egg, which was used to describe a small deformed egg. It is a derogatory term used to describe a city dweller as being affected or puny. Traditionally, a true cockney was one born within hearing range of Bow Bells, the bells of St. Mary-Le-Bow, in the East End. In 2000, a research project was carried out by the City of London to actually measure the distance the bells could be heard at the cardinal points of the compass. north, east, south and west. I can imagine this study being planned under the influence of a few pints of Boddingtons

Creamflow at Ye Olde Cock and Bull pub.

Speaking of Ye, the word is usually pronounced with a “y” because that is what the letter looks like. But the runic symbol is a diphthong representing the sound “th” and therefore “Ye” should be pronounced “The.”

While I was in England a few years back, I stayed with the family members of a friend and one day the husband explained to his wife that he had to attend a formal function in the near future and she asked him if he was going to need to get his whistle cleaned. I wondered, what in the world are they talking about and nosily inquired of the husband, “Are you in some sort of musical group?” They both laughed, as they were having me on, and explained that a whistle was a suit, still toying with me. And then they explained that these idioms come from cockney rhyming slang of which there is much. Whistle and flute, is a suit, apple and pears, are stairs. To go up the apples means to go up the stairs. I had heard him the evening before say that we should use the apples, referring to a stairway, but the expression didn’t make any sense to me in the least and I thought that perhaps he was slightly daft, having just met him and his wife. The cockney rhymes use one word that rhymes with the intended word and one that does not. Of course the word that doesn’t rhyme is used to totally confuse an outsider, which is the point. These cockney rhymes are numerous and if you are planning to visit London you should probably become familiar with them to avoid an international incident.

Blimey (God blind me), before these blokes (men) from Old Blighty (Britain) give me a bollocking (a severe telling off), I’m going to do a bunk (run off).

Cheerio, ta, ta, and all that rot.