Same violence, different challenges in LGBTQ+ relationships

By TURNING POINTS NETWORK
By Turning Points Network

I met Marissa the summer before my freshman year of college. We barely spoke to one another, even awkwardly avoided being in the same room. The attraction, however, was undeniable, and it was not long before a few words here and there evolved into a relationship. She even teased me once for practicing how I was going to ask her out while we were watching a magic show. She was adorable, hilarious, and being around her just made me feel good.

Unfortunately, the honeymoon period didn’t last long. Our interactions went from sweet and fun to painful — she would break into my place if I didn’t answer text messages fast enough, tell me about people she would rather be dating, and send manipulative, threatening messages when I didn’t do exactly what she wanted. At first when she broke up with me I was relieved — but it didn’t end there.

Marissa spent the next year and a half stalking me — I was afraid to go anywhere in case I ran into her. She even tried to turn my closest friends against me. I felt pushed out of our local LGBTQ+ community because people believed Marissa’s stories about me. I was not the only one either. Others she had hurt were also victimized and slandered. Authorities wouldn’t take concerns about her behavior seriously because they were brought forward by women — one officer even said they were “allowing” Marissa to abuse them. By the time I realized that Marissa was abusing me, I didn’t feel like I could report. I didn’t think anyone would believe me.

LGBTQ+ people face unique challenges when it comes to domestic violence and sexual assault. They may fear being “outed” by the abuser. A transgender person’s partner may withhold hormones or other gender affirming treatments. They could face inter-community pressure not to report because it would “reinforce stigma” against LGBTQ+ people. They may fear homophobia or transphobia from authorities who don’t believe abuse is possible in same-sex relationships. Violence and abuse can happen to anyone and LGBTQ+ people deserve to feel safe in their relationships.

This Pride Month, please join Turning Points Network in supporting LGBTQ+ survivors in our community.

OUR TURN is a public service series by Turning Points Network (TPN) serving all of Sullivan County with offices in Claremont and Newport. We provide wraparound supports for survivors of domestic and sexual violence, stalking and human trafficking and we present violence-prevention education programs in our schools. For more than 40 years, TPN has helped people of all ages move from the darkness of abuse toward the light of respect, healing and hope.

For information contact 1.800.639.3130 or www.turninqpointsnetwork.org or find us on Facebook.

TPN Crisis and Support Line: 800-639-3130

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 800-656-4673