The healing of the moral injury of war

(Editor’s Note—Lance Harbour of Sunapee, a U.S. Army veteran, gave the Address of the Day at Monday’s Veterans Day Observance on the Newport Common. His thoughtful speech deserved much more space than reducing it to three or four paragraphs in a newspaper report. His entire speech follows.)

I want to begin by thanking all of you for being here today to honor those that have served and are serving our country. Thank you to our veterans, past and present. To the parents, spouses, siblings, children and significant others of veterans, I want to thank you for your service as well.

Commander Richardson pulled rank to get me to do this. Not using his position within the Legion though. He reached out to my commanding officer, my wife, who just so happens to be his daughter. He knows I can’t say no to her.

I am proud that he would consider me worthy to speak to you today. So, thank you to commander Richardson (Dad) for your confidence and giving me this opportunity.

I want to talk to you today about the moral injury of war.

Former Chief of Staff of the U.S. Army, General Ray Odierno said, “If you’ve ever been to war and seen what it is really like, you never want to go to war again.”

I recently read a book called “What Have We Done” by David Wood. This book discusses moral injury in-depth and I encourage you all to read it. Many of the points I’m going to discuss were derived from David’s work, so I want to give credit where credit is due.

Often when we think of those returning from war, we think of Post-traumatic stress disorder or the loss of a limb. However, almost all of us that have been to war return with some sense of unease over what we’ve done and seen. Our young men and women are being asked to do things that are contrary to the moral code we have instilled in them. In war, the person next to you is everything and you’d do anything to protect them.

A moral injury is a disconnect from our understanding of who we are and what we and others should and should not do.

Some common experiences in war are inflicting purposeful violence, witnessing the violent death or maiming of a loved buddy and the suffering of civilians.

These experiences often shatter our understanding of the world — where good things should happen to us and others. The loss of trust, faith and innocence can have long lasting psychological, spiritual, social and behavioral effects.

For those who have experienced a moral injury, it is common to react with bitterness, cynicism, to distrust authority, to be prone to anxiety, depression, become isolated, self-medicate with drugs or alcohol or maybe overwork. By far the most common is to simply not talk about the war.

Close your eyes with me for a minute. Picture yourself the point man for your platoon. You are walking through the thick jungle of Vietnam. It’s dark, hot and humid. Your moving slowly and quietly because you know the enemy is operating in the area.

Suddenly, you come face to face with an enemy soldier who has his weapon aimed at you, finger on the trigger. As you raise your M-16, you see his finger pull the trigger. You brace yourself and Click, nothing happens. You immediately pull your trigger – BANG – Everything is in slow motion now. you see the impact of the bullet, you see the expression leave the soldier’s face as his now limp body falls to the ground. You’ve seen plenty of dead enemy soldiers but none that have died at your hands at this proximity.

This was one of the few stories my Dad has told me over the last few years. He also told me of seeing his best friend, who I am named after, being med-evaced with a fatal abdominal wound. He told me of watching the bodies of enemy soldiers being pushed into a hole by a bulldozer but instead of describing them as enemy combatants, he referred to them as someone’s father, son or brother. Think about that distinction. I’m sure he felt differently in the moment.

My Dad was raised in a devout Christian family but returned home from Vietnam questioning God with an overwhelming sense of guilt and remorse for the things he had done and seen. He was physically abusive to my mother, habitually unfaithful, an alcoholic and he eventually abandoned his family when I was 8 and my brother was 7.

It would be another 10 years before we would reconnect. He had remarried, had a new life but still did not talk of the war. Back in the early 2000’s he received an invitation to a unit reunion. He ignored it and refused to go. He received the same invitation again the following year. My stepmother and I encouraged him to go and he begrudgingly agreed.

When he returned it was clear that something had changed in him. The simple act of talking with people that had the same experiences allowed him to open up even to me. He even made an appointment with the VA to get examined.

I can’t thank the men of the 2/22 infantry, the triple deuce, for the impact they have had on his life. He has gone back to the reunion every year since. Dad is still cantankerous, hyper, likes to drink, he boycotts the NFL and hates ISIS. He is quite an egg but his shell is a little softer than it was 15 years ago.

My Dad is not alone. Our veterans are returning home from conflicts in the Middle East strengthened by their experiences but also damaged. We have abandoned past rituals of cleansing and forgiveness necessary for those that have seen and done things in wartime that humans are not supposed to see and do. The healing of these moral injuries requires active participation by the veteran and those they trust.

I encourage you all to go home today and honor the veterans in your life by listening to them. Listen as long as they want to talk and do not judge them. If they won’t talk to you, encourage them to talk to someone, anyone.

I mentioned the book called “What Have We Done” by David Wood. In his conclusion, he says this about our young veterans, “These are remarkable and courageous men and women. We should laugh with them, grieve with them and most of all empathize with them and inject a human perspective on the terrible experiences these service members have had to endure. We must bear with them the distressing and challenging events they have lived through and accompany them as they make their way to a new and fuller understanding and appreciation of their role in war and as fellow human beings.”

With 17 veterans per day taking their own life, it is possible you could save one of those lives just by listening.

I will conclude today on the happier side. I mentioned the man I am named after being my Dad’s best friend who was med-evaced after a firefight with a fatal abdominal wound. His name is Lance Krumm. A few years ago, I visited the Vietnam war memorial in Washington, DC. I looked for Lance’s name on the wall. It wasn’t there. I called my Dad and explained this to him and neither of us could make sense of it. When my Dad went to his first reunion with the triple deuce, he mentioned to one of the organizers that Lance’s name was not on the wall.

The organizer said that there was a good reason for that. Lance was due to arrive at the reunion in a couple more hours. Imagine how that reunion went.

Please take time to honor your veterans with your undivided attention. Moral injury is as real and possibly more debilitating than any visible scars they may have. Thank you again for being here today. God Bless our Veterans and God Bless America!