By ARTHUR VIDRO
A new year is a time for dreaming. For hoping things improve.
I too dream. In my consumerism dreams I own a local business and get to treat others the way they have treated me.
For instance:
Doctors – whether in private practice or working for a hospital – have no idea what they charge their patients. They don’t post prices. They claim not to know their prices. You have to trust that somehow they and your insurance company (if you have one) will hash things out. Which is a ridiculous approach to business.
Opting for surgery is stressful enough. It is more stressful when nobody is upfront with you about the cost. Even if they tell you the doctor’s price (they won’t), they can’t always tell you who will serve as anesthesiologist – some of whom might be in your insurance plan while others aren’t. Or what the facility hosting the surgery will charge.
Compare that, say, to a barber shop. All the services and prices are neatly listed. There is no room for doubt, except perhaps as to what constitutes “extra long hair.”
I would love to operate a barber shop and have a doctor or health-insurance executive come in for a haircut. But first I would cover up the prices on the wall.
“How much for a haircut,” he would ask, hanging up his coat.
“Gee, don’t know. Depends on your haircut insurance.”
“What if I don’t have haircut insurance?”
“Then a haircut is $400. With a shave, $1,000.”
“That’s outrageous!”
“Don’t worry, hardly anybody pays full price. That is what the insurance is for. But if you don’t have haircut insurance, I’ll give you a website address that will let you download a haircut card giving you a 20% discount.”
The chap would walk out, either to find another barber or to let his hair grow.
Or maybe he would have an insurance card. Then after the grooming was complete, I would tell him he owes $610 – $10 for an insured haircut, and $600 for an out-of-network shave. Even though his insurance covered the barber shop and barber, our regular shaver, who the plan accepts, was out sick that day, and shaves from his replacement are not covered by the insurance.
On the other hand, if a dentist or pharmacist or optometrist walked in, I would remove whatever was concealing the prices and let them see the cost for a haircut is $10 and a shave $15. They always give me straight prices, so in return I would be straight with them.
Then there are gas stations. In the 1990s they started proclaiming “Pay at the Pump,” which was a misnomer. There was nobody at the pump to pay. The first time I left my money on the pump, it kept blowing off. So I went inside to explain the money was out there, weighted down with a few pebbles. They explained “Pay at the Pump” was their way of saying from now on, I would have to pay my cash in advance before a single drop of gasoline could be pumped.
So nowadays, whatever gas station I visit, I enter the filling station proper and tell them how much gas I want, even though I haven’t a quantity or price in mind – I just want to fill the tank. I leave some money, and if my tank reaches full before all the money is spent, then I go back inside a second time for my change.
Service in filling stations was a lot better in the 1960s, 1970s, and 1980s. Never had to leave the car. Employees would check the oil and add some if you were low. They cleaned the windshields. If I asked, they would adjust my tire pressure. Now the employees don’t touch the car, and they charge you for air.
They used to employ mechanics to fix cars. Now the employees don’t know one end of a car from another, and mechanical repairs have been replaced by fast-food shops specializing in candy, cigarettes, and junk food.
I would love for these gas-station owners to enter a supermarket I own. Before they could grab a wagon, I would require them to pay in full for all the food they planned to buy.
“Can’t I just pay for everything on my way out, after my cart is filled?”
“Don’t be so old-fashioned,” I would say. “If you pay too much, we can give you your change before you leave. So how many dollars worth of food do you want? Remember, once your cart reaches the prepaid amount, it will lock so you can’t add any more items to it.”
Hey, I can dream, right?
If you have consumerism questions, send them to Arthur Vidro in the care of this newspaper, which publishes his column every weekend.
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