By David Kittredge
By David Kittredge
As I am becoming a crusty old codger, I am a little slow on the uptake at times, especially when it comes to newly coined words and the slang used by the younger folk. This is certainly true in the instance concerning the word “za,” which can be spelled with or without a preceding apostrophe. Za has apparently been milling about our vocabulary since the 1970s, but has managed to escape my self-perceived, “omnipotent” scrutiny. Yes, the term has managed to elude me until a few days ago when I noticed the word being used in a Google article on roasted squash pizza. Za is a shortened form of the word for the savory Italian pie, pizza. As I hungrily investigated the seemingly elusive slang word, I happened upon a blogger’s reaction to the usage of za as “a way for lazy-a** kids with restless leg syndrome to say pizza.” Conspiracy theorists claim that the word was invented by Scrabble players to cash in on the letter Z’s high point value, in that za is the only two letter Z word in existence. As far as conspiracy theories go, it sounds plausible to me, much more reasonable than the idea of roasted squash pizza, anywho.
Upon becoming aware of the word za, which sounds to me like a state of mental nirvana that an off-kilter cult would try to attain, I pictured it being the first word in the Z section of the dictionary. What would possibly come before the word za in the Z category? Well, again my head was in a place it ought not be, because za is not first in the Z section of the lexicon, rather, there is a word that means “to wink” that heads the list. Z is that word, which is usually used in plural form, meaning to catch some winks as in sleep. You can catch some Z’s, stack some Z’s, blow some Z’s you can even cut some Z’s, which hopefully for any bedmates doesn’t include cutting the cheese at the same time you’re cutting your Z’s.
At the risk of being considered a zoilist (an unjust critic), thus politically incorrect and being labeled as a zygote brain (as ignorant as an unfertilized cell), yes that is a recently coined insult, I feel that words starting with the letter z should be considered some of the zaniest in the dictionary. I can only hope that there isn’t some zelotic (zealous) group overseeing the protection of z words who would come after me with a court suit claiming that I am Z-phobic. And if there is ever a civil suit brought forth, I will state right here and now that they would get zilch from me! As my defense I will counter sue by employing what I call the zenzizenzizenzic (in math, to the eighth power) defense. Unbeknownst to me, this z-peppered word has been sashaying about as an actual word since the sixteenth century. I foresee that during this court case the repetitive usage of zenzizenzizenzic, my sneeze halting defense, will echo throughout the halls of justice, as the judge, the lawyers, along with the jurors try to wrap their minds and tongues around this nonsensical word which is the nth degree of zanyism, that the case would be dropped due to mental fatigue with tongues being tied into square knots, perhaps requiring minor tongue untwisting surgery. Zenzizenzizenzic! Gesundheit.
As I meander further into the category of this letter Z zanyism like a zemni (blind mole-rat), I will do so with zappy (lively), zazzy (flashy), zizz (vim), regardless of the consequences! Zounds (mild oath) and zoodikers, I shall not rest, until I, a veritable zendik (heretic) of the recurrable and hopefully not the zeroable (extraneous word usage in a sentence), shall arrive at the last word in the dictionary, zyzzyva (South American weevil).
After my trek through the wilderness of buzzing Z’s I have attained an inner peace not unlike a warm zephy wafting upon the zinnias. I have worked up an appetite, so I shall order take out, a pepperoni za, sans roasted squash, after which I might stack some Z’s.
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