Jim Altgens/The Associated Press
It seems with each passing year the number of historical events that have become fraught with conspiracy are innumerable. Oftentimes conspiracy theories are linked with the deaths of famous folks, especially if the general public admires the individuals. President Kennedy, Natalie Wood, Elvis Presley are among the few.
The first conspiracy theory that I recall hearing about was in reference to the assassination of J.F.K., which to this day has been pondered and sifted to the nth degree, right onto the “grassy knoll.” Was it the Mafia who had President Kennedy killed, or Cuba’s Castro, or the Freemasons? After sixty years of speculation, we may never know the truth.
“Elvis is not dead,” although if he were still living he would have celebrated his 87th birthday in January. If “Elvis the Pelvis” had not died in 1977, aged 42, it is highly unlikely that he would have survived to the present considering his favorite sandwich. He loved grilled peanut butter sandwiches with sliced banana, bacon, and honey, which weighed in at a whopping 860 calories each. It would also seem strange that the much loved idol had hidden himself from public view for 45 years due to his love of performing before audiences, considering his interaction with the females in the crowd when he would toss multiple scarves into the audience. And would he be able to not serenade adoring fans for nearly half a century, after years of being worshiped? Yet there are still Youtube videos claiming wild theories such as a wax replica of him being placed in his coffin.
“Paul is Dead,” referring to McCartney of the Beatles, which folks heard when listening to certain “Fab Four” songs being played backwards on their record players. Who to heck listens to songs being played in reverse, while ruining the stylus needles on their old record players (as the record is trashed and gouged at the same time?) I suspect you would hear many strange phrases if you played any recorded song backwards, especially if you were smoking copious amounts of the “laughing lettuce.” My biggest questions concerning the Beatles was and remains: firstly, couldn’t they spell; and secondly, why did John let Yoko sing on one of his albums? Her trying to sing forward seemed like the recording was being played backward and a bit screechingly sideways. Perhaps if her song was played backwards we might gain some insight on whether or not Hitler snuck off to the Antarctic for a retirement filled with cross-country skiing and snow cones. Or maybe we could find out if Nostrodamus actually did have a side gig as a stand up comedian. Or could we find out what the Loch Ness Monster actually wears under its kilt? You know, just some of the persnickety questions that have been pestering some of us.
The 1969 moon landing has been questioned as being a Hollywood stunt directed by Stanley Kubrick. Because Kubrick did such a marvelous job with the special effects in the movie “2001: A Space Odyssey,” his talents became intertwined fictitiously with NASA’s film of the lunar landing. What would be the sense of creating a false narrative concerning the race to the moon other than the United States falsely claiming sole ownership of the Earth’s satellite planet? Yes, the United States was the first country to plant its flag on the moon, but that does not give America sole ownership. I mean, isn’t there enough room up there for everybody, including the Klingons?
We might wonder where Jimmy Hoffa was buried, or whether Natalie fell or was pushed off the boat, or if airliners are spewing dangerous chemicals designed to affect the population by mind control or eradication. Other than the chem-trail conspiracy, which has been debunked, none of these perceived problems really have an effect on our general lives, anyway.
Might I put forth a new conspiracy theory which could be happening as I write this column? Could Putin’s Russian invasion of the Ukraine be happening at Trump’s bidding?
Of course, I merely jest, to show that most anything can be twisted into a conspiracy theory if you travel far enough into the rabbit hole of the surreal.
David Kittredge is a regular Lifestyles contributor to the Eagle Times. You can send comments to him via the editor at [email protected].
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