Jacopo Gugliotta/LaPresse via The Associated Press
Recently, a Russian lawmaker demanded reciprocity for America’s state of Alaska, harkening back to the deal we made with Russia 155 years ago. In this case of sour grapes, I must harken back to the late comedian, Sam Kinison, using one of his comedic techniques and my caps lock key, “WE PAID FOR THE ALASKA PURCHASE FAIR AND SQUARE!”
Yes, back in 1867, the United States paid Russia $7.2 million for the territory, thanks to negotiations by then Secretary of State William Seward. Although the purchase price came to about two cents per acre, some members of Congress and some in the press were unimpressed with the deal that came to be known as “Seward’s Folly,” “Seward’s Icebox,” and as President Andrew Johnson’s “polar bear garden.” This sale of Alaska was very short-sighted, bordering on the cavalier by the Russian Empire of the mid-19th century for the acquisition of some quick cash, which turned out to be the real folly.
This cavalier attitude carries on today with respect to the Russian Oligarchy. In today’s currency, the $7.2 million we paid for our 49th state would translate to $133 million or about as much money paid out for a quaint, smallish superyacht by Russian oligarch standards. Vladimir Putin, the leading oligarch, may own up to three of these luxury liners. It is difficult to discern who exactly owns these crafts with the true ownership being hidden beneath layers of documents involving multinational corporations. Due to the sanctions placed on Putin and his money grubbing cronies for Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, many of these superyachts are now desperately scurrying back to Mother Russia, if they haven’t already been seized by North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) countries. If these boats haven’t been arrested, no one will sell them fuel, and these floating swimming pooled behemoths inhale fuel like a dancing cossack guzzles vodka. Thirdly, these superyachts are no longer being insured, due to sanctions, which means foreign countries will not allow access to harbors.
A handful of these superyachts are still underway. There are two in the Mediterranean headed to the Bosphorus, a sea strait at Istanbul, Turkey. There are two awaiting access to the Panama Canal to reach the Pacific Ocean, then the Russia eastern port of Vladivostok and two are in the Indian Ocean also trying to reach the port of Vladivostok. Unfortunately, Vladivostok this week is colder than an icicle hanging from a polar bear’s nostril. It is experiencing zero degree high temperatures this week. I don’t suppose there will be any shirtless Russian oligarchs laying on the deck of their luxury liner catching some rays in sunny Vladivostok, anytime soon.
The irony lies in the fact that Russia’s seaports are few, at times frozen over or are accessed through the severe choke points of narrow waterways as in the Baltic Sea labyrinth of Denmark, Norway and Sweden. Even to access the Crimean ports of the Black Sea, Russia must rely on permission from the Turkish government to access the Black Sea, through the narrow Bosphorus Strait. All of northern Russia is above the Arctic Circle, which is easily navigated by dog sled, not so much by pleasure boats. So why have a dozen or so Russian oligarchs spent billions of dollars on recreational, boondoggle boats with such limited access to the Motherland? Vladivostok on the Sea of Japan is nearly 4,000 miles as the crow flies from Moscow, the financial and cultural center of Russia.
This idea of the oligarch superyacht seems to have been a cavalier competition of uber egos run amok. The oligarchs are all boated up with no place to port.
David Kittredge is a regular Lifestyles contributor to the Eagle Times. You can send comments to him via the editor at [email protected].
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