Dear Younger Brother

By Jace Troie
There are so many things I could say here, about my experience as a queer transgender man. I could talk about the discrimination I’ve dealt with, the intrusive questions I’ve been asked, and the slurs thrown my way, without a second thought. I could share about my greatest love or the glaring indicators from my childhood that should have sparked realization of my identity sooner. Although, I’m sure you’ve heard stories like those before, most of us in the community have them. So, instead, I’m writing this piece as a letter to my younger brother; to all the kids and young adults out there who fear they will never be seen for who they are.

Dear Younger Brother,

I am so, incredibly, proud of you. We may have only met two years ago but knowing you and watching you grow into the person you were always meant to be has been one of my greatest joys. We were introduced after you came out because my experience was similar to yours and a mutual friend thought meeting me might give you hope. Hope that the future holds more kindness than the present, that you won’t always be so afraid, and hope that those you love will continue to love you in return.

I’m sorry that the most I can give you is hope. If I could do anything to guarantee that you receive compassion, to take away the fear that can come with living authentically and keep those you love from walking away, I would. I have been there, struggled with the same reality and made it to the other side. Out of sheer determination, I found happiness.

Then we met and you gave me the hope I was supposed to provide. In watching you embrace your identity with such enthusiasm, I’ve learned to love myself as well. Through all the advice you’ve asked for, I’ve learned to reflect it back and take my own advice and it’s made me see life in a whole new light. I can never thank you enough for that.

Finally, I need you to understand something that I myself still struggle with at times. There is a quote that reads “blood is thicker than water” and when our family members can’t see us for who we are, it can really take a toll on our mental health. Recently, I came to learn that that quote is only a fraction of the real saying, in full it reads: “the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Which I have found to be far truer. The relationships we choose, and nurture, are the ones that last. Family bonds may be important, but if those bonds are broken, it doesn’t mean you are. It might just mean your chosen family is waiting to welcome you home.

We may not be blood, but you are my brother, and you will always have a home in my heart; full of acceptance, laughter, and most importantly, hope.

Sincerely,

Your Chosen Brother