Satirical, slapstick press conference provides fun kickoff event for the 109th Newport Winter Carnival
By BOB MARTIN
Eagle Times Staff
NEWPORT, N.H. — If Tuesday’s “press conference” for the upcoming basketball showdown between the Police/Fire Departments and the Newport Recreation Department was any indication of the excitement in the air, the 109th Winter Carnival is certainly about to pop off this week.
The highly animated and satirical press conference was held by Steve “Will” Smith at the Newport Fire Station, and while this was initially just for the Police/Fire team to introduce their players, the Recreation Department had other ideas. Moments into the conference, after Fire Chief Steve Yannuzzi introduced his team, the Recreation Department crashed the party with members of them galloping in on horses.
Everything kicked off with Newport Chamber of Commerce Director Shannon MacMichael, donning a pink cowboy hat and bandana, and introducing the 109th annual Winter Carnival. The week is packed with fun events surrounding the wild west theme, but this Saturday is where the true showdown is taking place.
Usually, the fire and police departments are competitors, but not this year. The two squads have joined forces to go up against the formidable Recreation Department team. Accusations of performance enhancing drugs and cheating were tossed around, and each team appears to have some deceptive aces up their sleeves.
Chief Yannuzzi, who is the team’s manager, said it is a great day when the police and fire departments unite and go up against a town department that they are “overconfident that we are able to beat.”
“There are some good players on this team,” he said. “I worked out a lot of good contracts and negotiations for these players, and I think it’s going to be a great game.
Yannuzzi wasn’t messing around, as he was overheard on the horn with Michael Jordan while walking into the press conference. As a manager he put together a team that could take on the ’86 Celtics, or so he says. Smith related the combining of the two departments to The Avengers, something Yannuzzi couldn’t help but agree with.
“It is the Avengers coming together, it really is,” Yannuzzi said. “It’s two super powers coming together to defeat an empire who thinks they’re better than us. So, we’re going to take it to them.”
Steve Dube Jr. is a three-point threat, and Yanuzzi said he was hucking shots from deep before the foul line even existed. Another player, Cody Foster, was purchased at a bargain with Yannuzzi saying he just had to give up a couple pairs of shoestrings and an old gym bag.
“It was the best deal he ever signed,” Foster said. “Everybody knows this.”
Cooper McCrillis is a big man and video tape of his career was “OK,” but at least he is tall, so they decided to bring him on board. Alicia Day is a solid shooter but lacks height, so McCrillis provides the height needed to make up for it.
Kiara Knight was an “almost basketball player” in college, but there are rumors she never dribbled a ball in her life. Yannuzzi said she was signed to a substantial two-year deal, and he did his research and knows what she brings to the table.
They said earlier in the conference that they would not reveal their secrets, but through some carefully crafted questioning, the cat was out of the bag: Knight was the secret weapon.
Yanuzzi pointed out that he brought along one of the game balls, which will be placed in a safe to prevent any type of tampering. He said there have been rumors of the Recreation Department tampering with equipment, and perhaps deflating the balls, so this will put a stop to any of that.
Suddenly, without any warning, it was like a twister swept through the press conference with Beth Rexford and Becky Merrow leading the way on horseback. Following closely behind was Recreation Department Director PJ Lovely, and you could cut the tension with a knife.
“Hey, settle your horses over there, OK?” Yannuzzi said to Lovely. “We’ll take care of this on the court.”
Lovely introduced his son, Gavin, who was supposed to be a key big man for the team. Lovely then made a remark that he’s never really been a great basketball player, even when he was a kid, and he might not be getting many shooting chances. Gavin couldn’t believe the disrespect, gave him a shove, and the rest is history.
Lovely bragged about his squad, and even guaranteed a victory … but at what expense? In the process, his son, Gavin, had an altercation with Lovely, and decided to switch teams. The camera was rolling and caught it all.
“I still got my horses!” Lovely exclaimed.
Smith acknowledged Lovely despite this press conference being for the Fire/Police team, and Lovely quickly got down to business talking about the brand-new facility his department has opening up. This 19,000-square-foot facility is where the team has been practicing, and he said the results will be obvious.
“We’ve been training for months for this day, and come Saturday, I hope you’re all ready,” Lovely said.
The most highly anticipated showdown in the wild, wild west of the Granite State will take place at the Wheeler Gym on Saturday at 6 p.m.
